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Remember what things were like in, say, 1992? Back when you were just starting to hear rumblings about what was then called the “Information Superhighway,” at the time personified by prohibitively expensive hourly services like Prodigy and e•world? Remember how alone you felt about your shameful thoughts that no one else could ever understand? What was the only place to find your secret prurient interest back then?

Maybe you’re not that old, but I am, and for me, it was pregnancy guidebooks. I’ve always loved them. Here’s the start of a new series in which we pay them loving tribute, while simultaneously mocking them mercilessly.

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30 And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary; for thou has found favour with God.

31 And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name JESUS.

32 Then said Mary unto the angel, Blessed is my womb; long has the wish waxed in mine heart to become great with child.

33 And the angel said unto her, Hold thou still; and he did point his longest finger to the figure of Mary; and he did say unto her, pshoo!

34 And great Mary did swell, becoming she like the ball of many colors with which children of men do play in the surf.

35 Then did Joseph marvel to see his espoused wife thus; for there was joy in his trousers.

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I often find myself saying to people “I don’t read.” Now this is a lie.  I won reading challenges as a kid.  But what I won’t read are most things written for our community.  Occasionally I’ll skim something.  Read the first paragraph to get a feel for the story.  And most of those times I regret it.

So I decided to collect a few first paragraphs and conduct a poll. My two questions were.

‘Would you continue reading this?’ And ‘What are your thoughts?’

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